


I Didn't Want To

by RedEris



Series: Oh, Daniel [2]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Gen, but off-screen, very dubcon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:33:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23351749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedEris/pseuds/RedEris
Summary: After his experience as the Orici's captive and, later, her Prior, Daniel Jackson has a lot to work through.
Series: Oh, Daniel [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1679551
Kudos: 16





	I Didn't Want To

**Author's Note:**

> Happens after S10 E14, The Shroud. I was very dissatisfied with the show’s complete failure to address Daniel’s fractured state of mind and the aftermath of what he did, so we get this so-cheerful little piece.

“I have a confession to make.” Daniel put down his book with a thump and took of his glasses, pinching his nose.

“What, to me?” Vala looked up. “I thought you were the priest.”

“Yeah…” Daniel grimaced. “About that.” And then he stopped talking and sat there, scowling farsightedly at his book.

“Well, go on, then,” Vala prompted.

“I slept with Adria.”

“Oh!” Vala stared at him. “Well! As her mother, I suppose I…have no idea how to feel about that, actually. Shall I scold you?”

“I didn’t want to.”

“Ah.”

* 

_He hadn’t meant to. He only needed her trust. When she gave her affection, he couldn’t reject one without breaking the other. When she’d first kissed him, he’d hoped it would never go further than that, that she hadn’t been permitted to become so human that it would go further than that._

_But it had._

_She’d kissed him again, and then she’d come to his room, and to his bed. By that time, there were so many voices in his head–hers, the Ori’s, Merlin’s–that his own horror and revulsion were a caged protest, buried deep where she couldn’t see them. She’d climbed over him, and all at one time the little scrap that was still Daniel had screamed that he deserved better, that_ she _deserved better, that he couldn’t, that he had to–and then he’d been snuffed out, and it had happened._

*

“I didn’t want to, I just…couldn’t think of a way to turn her down without pissing her off, and I…had to.” 

“Mmmmmm.” Vala considered him, leaning on her crossed arms. “And then you betrayed her and now she’s dead. We hope.”

Daniel slumped lower in his chair. “Pretty much.”

“You did have to, you know. You were right.”

“Was I, though? She shouldn’t have trusted me. _You guys_ shouldn’t have trusted me. Honestly I didn’t give you much to work with. I was angry, I was impatient, I wasn’t myself at all–literally. And by then I half-believed Adria, to be honest. I had to!” 

Daniel closed his eyes.“You were right, most of all. There was plenty of reason to doubt me. I would have doubted me. I think… I do doubt me.”

Vala smiled gently. “So, to be clear–you lied through your teeth. You pretended to be something you’re not. You had sex with someone you found repellant out of self-preservation, and then you betrayed them. In the process, you became untrustworthy to everyone you cared about. Is that about it?”

Daniel contracted into himself more with every sentence. “Yes,” he whispered.

“Well then,” Vala said, “it seems to me we have something in common at last.”

Daniel let out a surprised huff of laughter.

“Don’t worry,” Vala said. “You learn to live with it. And I certainly won’t judge you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Anyway, ouch.


End file.
